We had a lesson at home recently that broke my heart.

It’s silly, yes, but when the Megalotto hits about a hundred mil, I’ll buy a ticket for the family. At first, my wife and I thought this was a fun idea: I go buy the card and we check the numbers as a family before letting out a collective sigh at our collective disappointment. This time, it didn’t work that way.

This time, one of my daughters brought Providence into the mix, fully believing as only a child does, in what she is told about G. “Who would lie about G,” she wondered?

So she prayed the night we bought the card. Prayed for a miracle. Prayed that the mountain would move. When she woke up the next morning, when she pulled the shades expecting to see the ocean, she saw the mountain, solid, still blocking her view.

She burst out bawling, believing we lied to her about G.

I know the standard explanations and each one bothers me.

‘G always says Yes, No, or Wait.’

‘You have to understand the context.’

‘Well, it’s more complex than a simple prayer.’

I thought of each of those and my heart crumbled for her, knowing something sweet and pure was taken away. Context? Jesus says ‘Unless you come to me as little children, you have no part of me.’ The context is Jesus holding a child. ‘I say to you, if you have the faith of a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, get up and go, and it will.’ But don’t forget, you may get a yes, or no, or a maybe, or a later. But you get the thing or you don’t.

Maybe I’m saddest for myself?